Friends

Today is a great day. I finished my dissertation, ready to be bound and handed in tomorrow. A year of solid hard work has come to an end and I feel a mixture of sickness and relief. Relief that my hand ins are done, and sickness that my four years are very much over.

I've had a bumpy ride of uni. Anyone who knows me knows that first year was a complete abomination. If I hadn't of worked so damn hard at trying to get into uni then I would most likely have dropped out.

Second year everything changed. I finally lived with someone on my wavelength, joined trampolining and met my two best friends. Life was groovy. Same for last year, I was happy and content with my life in Sheffield. This year has completely sealed the deal for me. I have the best 5 friends who I see nearly every day, am in constant contact with and I am so happy; after the year I've had family wise I thoroughly deserve it.

However, it has come to my attention that there are many people in my life who don't think I deserve success, who don't think I deserve to be happy, and don't think I deserve to live my life the way I do.

Even through all his faults and mega problems, I am so lucky to have a dad who has worked so hard to provide for his family (even though I suspect his efforts may have been for other reasons) and built up a life for us, as a family of 7, that many could only dream of. I am so aware of all the privilege I have in my life, and the financial security that I've always been blanketed in. Trust me when I say this, if it meant that I could have a normal family life, I would drop everything with the drop of a hat. I am so grateful that I have parents who could buy me a car, when my previous two cars that I worked so hard for were broken pretty much beyond compare. I am also very aware that this car is an investment for the family, as when my sister turns 17 she will have my car, and I will purchase my own. I am also so aware that I live in a huge house on a nice estate, a house that my dad again worked his arse off for, to provide all 5 of his children with the space we need to grow up. I have worked my arse off since I turned 16, 5 years in retail and 1 full time year in food manufacturing, saving up every penny I have so I can concentrate on final year and retain my weekends to type my fingers to the bone. I am loyal to the core, I will do anything for my friends or family and I expect this to be returned, which it often isn't.

This life that looks so perfect on the outside, a life that looks so complete, so happy and frankly so well off does not come without consequences. Consequences my friends know first hand. My dad is an alcoholic and has been since he was 18 years old. He was also arrested last year and it turned my life upside down. I would not wish last year on my worst enemy. I am also (woe is me) the most unlucky person in love, who seems to attract dick heads left, right and centre (something I suspect comes from years of dad hating). I also have a brother and sister who have mental issues, just like I do.I have OCD and it stops me from living my life the way I want to.

My point to the last paragraph is this; before you become envious, jealous, judgemental, angry or whatever you fancy at the time, think of what a person is going through behind closed doors. If you know what a person is going through, support them, don't judge them. Don't make a person feel completely on their own in a crowded room because you cannot be happy for them. Realise that every single persons life is different, everyone has something in life that someone else wants,but don't let that affect your relationship with them. If you have still have a problem, pick your own battles; don't use someone else to drag a person down, address your own issues head on. Don't start an argument for the sake of arguing. If people work hard, commend them, don't make life a competition of who worked harder or who paid for what. If you don't agree with a persons choice in life, don't make the person feel like they have killed someone for doing something that does not fit in with your views. Apologise if you've done something wrong. If someone has a hobby or an outlet, support them, don't take the piss out of them for it. Don't trivialise people, don't throw unnecessary shade. Try not to be an outright bitch. Don't cheat on people, end the relationship if you're unhappy. Friendship is meant to be a two way supportive street, not a one way hunky dory the other side piercing daggers. A person should not be left to feel like a spare part, or alienated, it is not fair. In-directs on social media should be left to 13 year olds. Mature and grow, see things outside of your normal life. Meet new people, expand your surroundings.

The moral of this story is to support and be happy for someone, and if you can't do that, you should probably have a long hard look at yourself.

Hev

xoxox