Hospital part deux- Excision of Pilonidal Sinus Surgery

It's currently Sunday and I am sat on my sisters sofa in the weirdest position possible as anything else sends pain right up my arsehole. Yep, this is my hospital update from my last ever so slightly drugged out of my eyeballs and moody blog post. Sorry about that. Sorry if you read that on Saturday morning and I put a right Debbie downer on your day, my apologies! 

So here's the craic. I was finally discharged yesterday morning after having my wound packed. This surprisingly for me with the pain tolerance of an injured pea wasn't painful but just pure ticklish. I have a ticklish arse which diffused the situation with the nurse I thought I hated but actually was lovely as long as she wasn't waking me up...

Went home with what I can only describe as a drug dealers crack den of drugs hello codeine my new friend which I have been taking all of yesterday. Paracetamol, ibruprofen, codeine and anti motion sickness as codeine can make me sick and I'm not having a repeat of Saturday again. I am also having to take lactulose which is a lovely 'stool softener' as codeine gives you constipation and I'm not allowed to strain to shit as I might split my stiches big whoop. Good job I'm not lactose intolerant and only dairy! It is like drinking sweeter than sugar sweetness. 

I am definitely not over my anaesthetic yet as I am on a permanent let me sleep pls mental state, but again that could be the codeine. My mood has vastly improved and I'm not biting everyone's head off every two seconds, I feel pretty spaced out and living in my world of pain. I have also packed all my flat up, which was fun half an hour after coming out of hospital. 

I have until Wednesday off work and I'm hoping I'll at least be able to sit properly for a little bit of time and I won't have to be packed out again past Monday (which is my hopes and dreams as I really want to go home to Birmingham and sleep in my own bed and watch Jezza and have my mom bring me tea and toast at regular intervals the dream). 

So there's an update, clearly doesn't make sense as I am still wacked out but I am fining it soothing to talk about my pain in my arse. Normal less moody blog posts will resume soon I promise.

Thanks for putting up with me moans,

Love,

Hev

xoxox

Hospital- Excision of Pilonidal Sinus Surgery

Yes lovely 

So here I am, it's 11pm and I'm in hospital. As I mentioned in my HS post I was having an operation this week to remove a pilonidal sinus. If you don't know what one of these is feel free to google it. I've only been able to eat a light breakfast at 7am and was fully nil by mouth after 11am. I went into hospital at 12pm and had the operation at 3pm. Getting general anaesthetic put into you is a very weird sensation, like I felt like I was getting filled up with a panic attack. (Sorry to say that but that's how I felt and I'm in no mood for happy flowers and daisies description). I came round after about half an hour under in quite frankly excruciating pain. I was told I was getting local anaesthetic into the area to make it better when I woke up but that had fuck all effect. Waking up with a tube down your mouth isn't fun either, and I was fully convinced I had woken up mid surgery which I didn't but having a tube in your mouth is really fucking disorientating. I came round to a lovely nurse who was making me laugh and feeding me morphine as who doesn't like a truck load of painkillers? At this point I was crying as I was in so much pain and the local anaesthetic had done fuck all. Got myself wheeled up to the ward and I heard the nurses talking about the fact I needed daily packing. If you want to google the procedure yourself it talks all about that, and that is what I was told I wasn't having, I was having stiches and closure so hearing that half asleep half drugged out sent me into complete blind panic and I really must have pissed the nurses off at that point. They called my momma and she came up to the ward and I had a good cry which was much needed. Then nausea hit and that is why I am still here overnight. I had to request a sick bucket as I was gonna vom and I was given my first batch of anti nausea medicine through my canular. It did fuck all to the point where it made my sickness so much worse and because of this the nurses wouldn't allow me to have food just invade I threw it up, but at this point I had gone 11 hours without food and I was absolutely fucking starving. I eventually got some dairy free sandwiches up and between nearly vomiting, napping and eating it took me a good 2 hours for this. I was still on verge of vom Central so managed to get another dose of anti sickness but this has had no effect either. The nurse said it could be the morphine doing this as all the side effects match up which is brilliant. I had 10mg of morphine and it provided no relief whatsoever. My surgeon came and saw me and said I had actually been stiched which is a relief but I need to get packed for the drain he's put into my skin just in case there's any gross puss and stuff that wants out. This means I'll be off to the hospital or doctors for at least the next week everyday to get it re packed and I am not looking forward to this in the slightest. I have plans for next weekend which are clearly not going to happen anymore with having a 1cm gaping hole in my arse! I haven't had any other pain relief than this morphine which sucks cos it is agony and I just want to go home. I feel like I've regressed into such a child but I think that happens when you're ill you just can't help wanting your parent and a hug. I am currently still in hospital overnight as I finally started to be sick and now they won't let me out, and it is 'unusual' that the antisickness hasn't worked which is just so fucking typical of my body. It has acted as a nice distraction though. I am now lying in bed watching Florence rock it at Glasto feeling very sorry for myself and just wanting to eat something other than dry fucking bread. I also have to wear compression socks for the next 6 weeks! 6 fucking weeks, no calf tan for me then just look at them

Wow that makes my calves look monumentally fat woo

I can only take them off for an hour a day as well which pretty much sucks a fucking dick.

A nurse is about to in ally bring me painkillers and motion sickness tablets and hopefully this will end it so I can go home in the morning.

Sorry about the moaning willy you have here but I'm in hospital and I'm fucking fed up. Normal cheeriness will resume whenever I don't want to kill someone!

Lots of love,

Hev

Xoxox

My MAC Quad

My MAC Quad, how glorious

So I thought I would lighten the ship up after my last blog post about Hidradenitis Suppurativa with a delicious post about my MAC palette. I got this palette for my 21st Birthday this year, and as I was working for John Lewis at the time and they finally brought MAC online that I caved, used my discount and got myself one. Special mention to the brushes in the photo, my Sigma E40 Blending Brush, the E30 Pencil Brush and my real techniques shader brush.

I got myself Blanc Type, a pale pinky almost white matte to use as a base or a subtle brow highlighter. This gives of very light coverage but helps to correct any blending mistakes or balance out my brow bone. 

Blanc Type

Omega, a dirty in a good way medium matte brown which is perfect for a spot of the old contour for us palies, and I will use this to add depth to a contour right in the cheekbone. I use this shade as my blend out shade, on my how did I live without you Sigma E40 blending brush. It isn't the most pigmented but this makes it good for contouring as you cant accidentally add too much on.

Omega

Woodwinked, an orangey brown packed with shimmer which looks just beautiful packed on day or night. I used to go into MAC stores and stare at this shade for probably about 3 years and is definitely my number one most worn eye shadow shade of 2015. I pack this on with my real techniques shader brush top eyelid and bottom lash line.

Woodwinked

Finally Satin Taupe, a dark brown, almost purpally shimmery shadow, which look heavenly paired with Woodwinked or on its own for a quick smokey eye. This is a fabulous shade and I wish I had it sooner if I'm honest.

Satin Taupe

These are the shades swatched:

L-R Blanc Type, Omega, Woodwinked and Satin Taupe.

I am very happy with my MAC palette and I have used it pretty much non stop since it arrived in my life in August.

What is in your MAC quad or your fantasy quad?

Love, Hev

xoxox

Living with Hidradenitis Suppurativa

24/7 Feels

So I'm gonna start this miserable, wet Saturday with a subject that is equally as miserable for me (boo hoo). This is quite a personal post and will be written in the style of brain vomit but I'm hoping this will help someone. I apparently suffer from the condition Hidradenitis Suppurativa (they could have at least done the decent thing and made it easy to pronounce/ spell) which in basic terms leaves you with lovely big boils and abscesses errywhere that sweats, so I'm talking your pits, your groin, your bum and under your tits. Lovely. If you want the more medical description then have a click here to the NHS page. It is a horrible condition which I am 99% sure I inherited of my dad, and really has a go at degrading your confidence.

So what has this meant for me? I was only diagnosed last year when I told the dermatologist this is what I have and they then apologised for not telling me sooner (I have been every 3 months to the dermatologist since I was 14, I am now 21...) what I have suspected since I started puberty.

I started to develop boils and 'tracks' under my skin once I started my periods, these started when I was 11 so 10 years of no answers was a bit shite. These started occasionally on the old foof and arm pits. the boils used to come up, I would manage to relieve the pressure (you know, a flood of puss, nice) and they would disappear. I then had one under my arm which appeared and never disappeared for about 3 years. I am going to insert a picture of me on my prom night, where it is clearly visible.

This is what you need on prom night isn't it?

This eventually got cut out, and I now have a good 2 inch scar on my right underarm, which is pretty much hidden now and you wouldn't see it unless you went looking for it. This was when I was about 17, so I still had to wait a couple of years after this picture was taken to get the chop. The boil itself started to tunnel from the circle you can see on the picture to the dark line just underneath this and created a head at the top and the bottom which was just hideous. After this got cut out I haven't had another arm pit one which I don't quite understand but am very grateful for and touchwood it doesn't happen again.

Yet lets jump to the rest. when I was about 17 the boils migrated to my lady bits and stayed there, and decided to form a little country of their own I think. This little formation decided to grow exponentially after I lost my V plates, which you know left me with the most horrendous paranoia that I had herpes, so thanks body for that (I don't, lets clarify this before I get murdered by my aunties). The boils have never left. I have never not had a boil on my undercracker since I was 17, sometimes its one that is dying and sometimes its a complete and utter fucking clusterbomb of boils and tunnels that leaves me close to tears in pain because I can't sit down. The boils go through phases of ferosity and staying power, and I currently have 2 which have been sat there for the last two years, torturing me.   

I am well aware of the fact I have it quite mild compared to a lot of the images on Google (don't look if you're squeamish) but to me it has really halted a lot of things in my life. I wouldn't give the most lovely boy a chance because I was so paranoid about the fact he might one day have a chance to look at my foof (brill). I have never been in a committed relationship for this reason as well. I am beyond paranoid that someone would take one look, even if I had explained the issue and think I was some contagious beast (which I'm not, you can't catch HS). It also makes me worry about having children, as I would not wish this on them in a month of Sundays. I worry about my future, and the fact that it could escalate up to the Google image levels (which I pray to the Lord baby Jesus it doesn't). I think the fanny fear will always be there with me and I will never be 100% comfortable with the old sexy time because of this, which I find so sad for myself as I should be able to enjoy sex without any paranoia that something may burst or rub up the wrong way and hurt me, or appear where it shouldn't and stop me having sex altogether. It quite frankly makes me feel dirty and unworthy of any physical time because I'm so gross and abnormal, which is completely the wrong way to look at something I was born with and have never had any control over. I am constantly having to remember I am a person and my terrible skin shouldn't dictate my life.

Medication: I am currently not on any full on combative medication for this, as quite frankly I don't think my derms know what to do with me. I have been on everything but Roaccutane (and you would have to knock me out for 6 months for me to even consider that option, no thank you.) So I am currently on Erythromicin 2 tablets twice a day which is a lot of meds. I am also on Dianette and have been for 4 years, and personally do not wish to come off as I did once for 6 months and I have never had such horrific skin all over my body. I wash with medical wash that surgeons use to wash their skin before surgery and apply Clindomycin to my groin twice a day. Clindomycin has been the one to do the best job at keeping the boils at a moderate size and not taking over my entire vagina size. I am dairy intolerant and have been off dairy and thought this might help my skin out but hasn't had any remote affect anywhere :( I know there is more out there but these are the options currently open to me.

I also currently have something called a Pilonidal Sinus. Again I'll let you click here to see what that is. I have had a lump under my skin in that area for my entire life, and when I sat awkwardly it would come up and start to raise hell for me. Then in about Nov 2014 the sinus arrived, this was just like a spot that wouldn't go away on my booty which bled a bit. I wet to the doctors and I was referred to a surgeon. After I went to the surgeons appointment 2 days later the sinus swelled up like you wouldn't believe, I couldn't sit down and had the biggest head I had ever seen on it. I managed to relieve this (and oh baby Jesus the relief was indescribable) it went down, but has been coming to see me on a weekly basis ever since. I'm not sure why now it has changed into a pussy machine (ha) but it has and I have been counting down the days until my operation. These tend to be linked with HS because quite frankly I just need more cysts! I am getting this operated on next Friday and will probably have a blog about the whole experience, not that I will know what is going on as I will be knocked out yeah baby. 

So I now appreciate this whole blog doesn't probably make sense any more but I just wanted to talk about it as it is my main body demon and I absolutely fucking hate it. Currently there is no cure for this, but things like losing weight are meant to help (tell that to my crisp habit please), and a lot of people seem to have been helped by laser hair removal which I would love but might have to win the lottery first.

I hope this rambled mess of a blog post could help anyone battle royaling with HS and make someone feel not quite so alone and an alien with a spotted dick ;)

If you have any comments or anything please don't be mean as it is a chronic condition that I and many others have to live with. Also if I've most likely forgotten to mention anything please let me know :)

Some useful links: The HS Trust: http://www.hstrust.org/

British Association of Dermatolgists: BAD

Twitter Accounts: The HS trust @Hidradenitis

Cheers,

Love, Hev

xoxox

P.S. Anyone future boyfriends reading this feel lucky you get to be my boyfriend, I must have a lot of trust in you :)

The I can't be arsed but I need to look human face

This is a bit of flattering lighting isn't it?

We've all been there, being awake at some ungodly hour and needing to sort some kind of face out when you really cannot be arsed. Normally in this instance I would just slap some moisturiser on and go (as I do 99.9% of the time) but sometimes you just have to look a bit presentable. I am off to the cinema to see the new Jurassic World film (prays it is good) and didn't want to scare all the little kids, so here is where these items of joy come in...

Bobbi Brown BB Cream in Extra Light

Still a touch too dark for my pale white and ice cold skin, this BB cream blends into the skin so well with just fingers and leaves a really nice more than a tinted moisturiser coverage and makes my skin look pretty healthy and glowly in a good way.

Collection Lasting Perfection Concealer in O1

Just a great budget concealer, plow through these like billio and the concealer covers brilliantly, coupled with the BB Cream it creates a very dreamy base.

M&S Limited Collection Loose Powder in Translucent

A brilliant powder, sets everything in place and lets me have the powdery finish that I love (don't judge me I like to feel like a powder puff ok?) and you get tonnes in the pot, I've had mine for almost a year and have a quarter left with everyday usage!

L'Oreal Volume Million Lashes Excess Mascara

Masses of Volume and Length this is my holy grail mascara and I am yet to find anything as glorious for my lashes as this little baby, good slick top and bottom and were good to go.

Benefit Hoola Bronzer

a quick swish of this all over my face lets me feel slightly less pale and makes my head look all shapely which is truly needed.

quick brush of the eyebrows and slapping some lip balm on and that is my go to lazy arse look! (is an also phenomenal hangover cover up too!) I manage this in about 7 minutes which is all the time I can be bothered to dedicate sometimes!

Hope this is useful!

Love, Hev

xoxox

Make up Prep Saviours

So I am currently sat on the train on my way to Brighton for Wildlife festival and I could not be more excited, I'm going for the Sunday with my bezza so what a perfect time to blog about make up bases. I need my makeup to pretty much stick like superglue today and tomorrow! Today is a train and explore Brighton day, so I need tube proof sweat proof makeup protection and tomorrow I need slight alcoholic tendencies dancing until silly o'clock make up sticking power! Here is a run down of my current bees knees...

Skin bases:

Simple Kind to Skin Hydrating Light Moisturiser 

This smells like summer as it dun half smell like sun cream! I use this when I need a lighter moisturiser base and my skin is feeling a little less Sahara desert.

Oilatum Natural Repair Face Cream

Inspired by the glorious Nic off Pixiwoo, I went ahead and bought this moisturiser. It is a great base for a more liquid or sheer base, such as my Bobbi Brown BB Cream and impacts a nice layer of moisture into my skin and absorbs almost instantly. I normally wear this one before big nights out.

Nuxe Lip Balm

So as I am on the train I can't remember the entire name of this lip balm but wowzas it is impressive. 2 applications a day (morning and night) seem to be all I need to have brilliant soft lips all day. Perfect for super dry lips but for a lip balm has quite a bloody high price tag (I'm thinking £9?) I buy mine from m&s and try and strike whilst I have a discount code or there is a sale on. I have already bought my back up and am planning on giving my momma one too!

Makeup bases:

Urban Decay Primer Potion

Holy cow, this eye primer is the bees knees, when little old 17 year old me discovered this I had no idea the impact it would have on my makeup game. No more slide off after 5 minutes eyeshadow for me. Easy to blend (all types) and easy to apply shadow over, this stuff will never leave me again. I have even been known to roll into work excrusiatingly hungover with perfect last nights eye makeup because of this but that's a different story...

Laura Mercier Oil Free Foundation Primer

I've had this primer for a literal probably well past its use by date age but it still works perfectly. Mattifies the skin and let's all foundations adhere to it beautifully, and works well with the 2 moisturisers mentioned already. Now my skin is less of an oily battlefield I may indulge in the illuminating option when this runs out.

And of course as I am off to a festival lots of suncream as my skin likes to take pale and interesting to whole other levels!

So there is a run down of my make up prep saviours and items that will never be allowed to leave my life again!

Lots of love,

Hev

xoxox