Tipsy

Here I am eating adnans. Adnans does the best 'wedges' (roast potatoes) in all of the land, so if you're ever in west street Sheffield stop by. I'm tipsy. I'm not gonna lie to anyone, I'm glad I am because I have to be a fully functioning adult past 3pm tomorrow which ain't fun. I'm sure you're all wondering, what's with 2 posts in as many days? Well I just fancy it.

I hope in the world of people I know only Charl reads this. Because otherwise, how embarrassing.

I don't know whether it's just a Sheffield thing but I cannot pull anymore. The last time I flat out pulled was in Birmingham and it was 11 months ago (put 2 and 2 together who it was). This makes me sad. Maybe it's all the intake of junk. 

I want to be 9st 10 again when my life was not complete unless I pulled at least 2 boys. I think I need to sort my life out.

I hate memories, they sneak up on you like a bitch and decide to nearly destroy your night. Fuck off, I don't need memories of you anymore, you have a girlfriend now.

I'm well aware of how miserable my blog always sounds. I don't mean it to be, I'm happy literally 95% of the time. My blog is just my sad release.

People are reportedly getting robbed and nearly kidnapped around my uni area and I am not going to beat around the bush but I am terrified. Leave us all in peace you absolute scum of the fucking earth.

Even though this is the year of hev I still get hurt and I can't help it. It's involuntary hurt reflexes.

I've decided that I need some kind of memory blocker, a la men in black (great films).

I just want to feel like my 19 year old self, who gave no shits, could just look at a boy and he was mine, would never have to deal with tinder.

I think as time progresses I'm starting to realise just how much my life revolved around being fucked over for most of the last year, and as much as it hurts me I'm glad it's not still happening, even though I still want someone in my life to casually chat to so fucking bad.

I'm getting my nails done tomorrow and brows on Tuesday, hoping this will make me feel more me.

I really have nailed this spelling considering how much juice I've had.

I love you all,

Not always such a miserable fart,

Hev

xoxox

Meh

Hi, its time for another late night blog post. It seems I can't help these. I think my blog posts seem to come in that annoying little period between when you want to sleep and being awake when you start to think about life and stuff. I hate this period, I normally end up crying and thinking about all the boys who have hurt me recently, it's way sad.

So yeah let's talk about boys. I think I'm going through this thing where I block out my emotions because when I don't think about things I can just glide on by, not really making any effort to be around my emotions because they hurt. I'm annoyed with myself because I'm still not over that thing, which clearly means I was and am way more emotionally attached to it than I thought I was, and it fucking sucks. I hate that people can just move on from you in a flash, without a second thought or a backwards glance, without even a care about how you're gonna think or feel or handle it. 9 months is too long a time span for not even a goodbye.

Seeing things popping up on your Facebook feed is hard. Let's all say thanks for the delete button. The only people who would call you four times at midnight are your mom and a girl, so you're a bit of a sleeze. But hey, I'm always a fuck boy magnet.

I've been seeing people which is nice and  is a great confidence boost for me, apart from I seem to have this habit of swinging between new people and old people, which is not healthy and just not ok Hun. The emotionally void attitude works well when you're fooling around with people. What doesn't work well is old habits as they seem to not die when you get thrown into #tbt situations from two years ago, you're feeling sad and you just can't help yourself.

Since the last post there's been swings in my friendships too, some people have revealed other sides to themselves, and these sides are not nice. Some people are extremely judgemental, some people are flat out liars and some people are bloody good manipulators, it's about finding the people who aren't that. 

I'm about to walk into the last two months of uni, and I just don't want to talk about it, it's a horrible feeling both the feeling of the end and the feeling of impending doom. 

 I still can't write very coherently as you can probably tell from this. It's a work in progress. 

I think I'm just at that point where I just want somebody to love me.

Now I'm just going to go lurk people and emotionally torture myself with memories because that is just what I fancy doing.

Seeya

Hev 

xoxox