Slightly early I know- we haven't quite got to the end of the month yet! But as we all know my urge to blog (and time to) comes and goes, so I thought I would make a start now.
I've had a good month. Nothing horrendous has happened! It makes quite the change to be honest with you. I'm still temping and I am still enjoying it, sometimes it is slightly stressful, but it ain't on a lev of teaching! Talking of teaching, would I be sounding dramatic if I say I think I may have mild PTSD from last year? Every. Single. Time. I think about January to June, the longest and worst six months of my life, I cry; heck, I'm doing it now. It really makes me wonder if I will actually cope going back into a classroom; I'm sure I will, I fucking love teaching kids about food, but I don't think I will be able to bear it if my momentary mentor is a cowbag this time. Placement 2 damaged me, and the reaction of my Uni, my tutors lack of giving a shit and this never ending battle to get a placement 3 is still damaging me.
I think about dying slightly less than last month, I've started exercising a bit more again and I think that really does help my brain shut off. My brain is hardwired to cling onto anything and everything that my personality is scared or horrified by, and is rather annoyingly something I'm gonna have to battle and live with for my entire life. Dying is my biggest fear, and I am going to have to make my peace with its inevitability.
Travelling plans have ramped up! After I write this I am going to write a big post about my plans so far, but I am feeling far more organised and less like I am going to shit myself, which is always a plus with my control freak self. I am definitely 80% fucking buzzing, 10% terrified and 10% nervous.
I do think I am in the middle of a bit of a quarter life crisis- no solid career, teaching limbo, limited pals, no sight of a nice boy, feeling very lonely quite alot of the time, but its ok, I am muddling through- I always muddle through- and I will get my arse on that plane on the 26th of February lined with vodka and excitement for the future. I keep joking that I want to go find myself, but I do, I need to find myself soon, before I go a bit insane!
Apart from the mini crisis and super mild PTSD October has been fab. Lots of fun, lots of laughter, lots of love for Jamie and Claire finding each other again in Outlander, and lots of anger about Liam leaving the bake off! (It is a fucking crime that Kate and Stacey are still in, I tell thee!)
Keemon November, stick it to me
