This Is Your Life Hev #2

So my blog is my little sanctuary. I can write about what is bothering me, what is pissing me off and rarely what is going right in my life and I'm quite enjoying this little roundup of my head space right now, it is so cathartic to write the absolute mental vomit that goes round my head down. I know I don't exactly have the gift of the gab in written form, or in actual day to day life but I do try.

I undertook a week of work experience in a school last week in the food department. It really made me feel completely positive that this is the career I want. I genuinely 100% want to become a food teacher, how mental is that? For the first time I fully know what I want to do and it is so nice to have a direction that I want to stick to. I know it is going to be scary and I will have to learn not to cry (I started welling up thinking about this little year 7 boy who reminded me so much of myself it hurt), but I think it will be worth it in the end. I mean, look at the holidays!

In my personal life this week it has been a complete roller coaster of emotions, I've been horrendously angry, felt deliriously happy, relieved and also like someone had sucker punched me in the stomach. It's been that kind of week. It's been the kind of week where I have had to face up to one of my biggest flaws; my inability to do anything sober me would want when drunk. We've all done it, messaging people, ringing them, snap chatting naughty pictures when plastered etc etc, but it never normally leads to you nearly sabotaging something actually quite strangely good, and then making you realise you actually care about that person way more than you admit to yourself. There were reasons for my sabotage, I was feeling hurt, angry and like I had been mugged off in front of the entire world. Jumping to instant conclusions is one of my bad points as well, coupled with the fact that I was fucking livid didn't really make for a good situation. Its all ok again now though wooooo.

But on another note, I am terrified of dogs to the point of thinking one of them might be around me makes me cry, one is currently in my house at home. It's my dads sponsors (a whole other chapter in my life that) dog, a pomeranian and is probably harmless but my brain doesn't see it like that, so I had to stay at my aunties like a little baby. One of the things I would love to do is get over my fear of dogs, because it doesn't just mess with my life it messes with everyone else's lives around me who have dogs.

I sarted writing a blog post on this when I was curled up in a ball on Friday night on my bed crying, but I am really glad that I left it until now to write some actually put together something mildly (I am rubbish at this writing malarky) coherant together.

Sorry if its been a bit depressing!

Big Love,

Hev

xoxox