It is currently 2am and I made the fucking monster mistake of going to sleep at 9pm (damn you body tricking me into thinking you needed sleep...) so I'm massively wide awake now. Big woop.
I'm not really sure what I want to write about now, I feel like I've been super neglectful of this blog even though I haven't posted for like a week but I have enjoyed rambling like a moody 13 year old about my life on here, I think it's been cathartic. (Look Charlotte, I'm using big words).
Lady Chatterleys Lover was a massive let down the other day, where was the sex? Where was Robb Starks penis? Don't think I will get over this.
I am scared to weigh myself because I have absolutely no handle on my eating. I used to have a handle and now I don't. I have a gym membership I don't use and can't afford and wasted £60 on a slimming world membership that lasted for a week before my big old operation. Great time to start trying to diet eh Hev? I just want to be 9 and a half stone again, and the fact that I lost 2 stone to the great big OCD year long panic attack of 10/11 without changing my eating probably hasn't helped my attitude in the slightest. Can I get that metabolism back just without the OCD? K thnks.
Oh yes, this is the first time I've mentioned OCD on my blog and you probably think I'm a medical mess (which trust me baby, I am) but that isn't an avenue I can talk about yet. I could however probably ramble on until the cows come home just how FUCKING INFURIATING it is when people say 'oh I'm so OCD' about arranging a couple of tins in complete neat order and that is it. Please come jump into my life and discover what not just having OCD is, but what having a fucking OCD that makes you sound like a fucking nutter and isn't just about cleaning, having to chant the same sentence in your head over and over to shut your brain up because it won't stop trying to get you hurt. If anyone has or has any information about scrupulosity OCD then please come at me with it.
Had my birthday party on Saturday, had the typical Heather O'Neill drunk as a fucking skunk piss everyone off birthday shenanigans and the hangover that has followed makes me never want to leave the house and go clubbing again. I'm 22 and I'm getting tired of it. How lame.
I'm lonely.
For possibly the first time in my life I want a relationship and the current situation I am in isn't really healthy for me and really is not going to lead me to that end, stop trying to kid yourself girl.
I would like to stop swearing so much, but I can't.
Lots of Love,
Hev
xoxox
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