Here I am again! Volume 4 of my little writings and its all a bit manic. Uni is still kicking my butt, personal statements are my new found Achilles heel and I have also had to face up to some truths I was massively hiding from. So let's get into it.
This whole uni final year torment is real and I am struggling. One of !y projects failed and I am in bits about it. I worked so damn hard on it to fail it just makes me so upset and not want to try again. The next onslaught of uni work is about to begin which terrifies me something rotten. Watching friends graduate over the last two weeks has also installed the fear of god into me and has really made me realise this is my last year at this game.
My personal statement is like torture and for some reason will not write itself. I think I am just so scared because my writing is so shambollic that it will never be good enough to let me pursue my dreams.
My darling fainting episodes are back which has filled me with eternal dread. Last Friday I fainted getting out of the shower and smacked my coccyx off the floor and it fucking hurt! I really hope this isn't the start of a series of fainting again and I am going to the doctors this week to check myself out.
On Saturday I had a trampolining competition, which I somehow got through grimacing in stupid amounts of pain, coming 16/70 I am so proud of myself with the agony of my arse (story of my life my arse hurting) and doing a completely new routine!
Last weekend was also one of the nicest weekends I've had in such a long time (i really didn't want it to end) and I'm pretty sure my defences are now sat on the floor. Nothing like having big life realisations in the middle of players is there? These realisations have also terrified me and I don't like it, my inner control freak is really not happy with me! I am trying to get with it and go with the flow though.
So there you go, this is the last couple of weeks of my life, how's yours been?
Lots of love,
Hev
xoxox
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